Calling All Babies, My Wife Hopes You Starve!

My wife calls herself a Democrat but every time one of those hungry baby commercials is on she makes me change the channel because "those commercials are stupid and annoying." She doesn't try to empathize or even show the tiniest bit of feeling, she just yells, "Change it, I don't care about those dumb babies!" I guess Democrats aren't all that concerned about defenseless babies but are more concerned with watching commercials that don't remind them of how black their souls are.

Obama's Message to Kids - "Archimedes was a Liar!"

This might be hard to believe but Obama has recently been pushing for kids to get more smarter and improve our country's science and math scores. On the surface, this doesn't seem like such a bad idea, but, of course, as always, the cracks of Obama's true agenda can be seen seeping through the facade. I'm talking about his recent appearance on Mythbusters. First of all, Mythbusters is my kind of science. I can't think of a better way for our country's youth to learn science than by showing all the practical every day situations where knowing how to blow something up will come in handy. I mean, if that isn't science I don't know what is! As you can tell, I'm being sarcastic. I'm surprised Obama went on a show where it seems like the whole point is to blow stuff up and think you're smarter than everyone else for having watched it. I thought the image of the "mindless arrogant American" was what Obama was trying to fix.

Anyways, Obama's myth that he was in charge of busting or verifying is the story of Archimedes' solar death ray that supposedly burned attacking ships by aiming a bunch of mirrors at them. If he really wanted to sink a ship he should have just held up a picture of his wife. Heyyo!

But here's the kicker. His myth was busted! Wouldn't it have been better to give him a myth that could be verified as true? I guess the lesson he wanted to give kids was, "Hey, don't bother trying to prove anything because it's probably not true so just get back to eating chips and playing video games."

I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much into this one. The point is, when I told my wife Obama was going to be on Mythbusters she said, "Oh, I think I knew that." As if she doesn't follow forty blogs a day trying to find out where he's going to be next.

The Obama myth has been busted!

Wikileaks vs James Franco

Well, December is here and it's brought a lot of snow to the humble state of Utah. It's looking like it's going to be a white Christmas this year. Tonight, my wife and I enjoyed a night with her sister and her husband who live nearby. After eating out at some ethnic place (Lonestar Taqueria) we played Blokus. Not surprisingly, I won. Probably due to my affinity for logic and spatial reasoning. It's with that same precision logic that I approach today's subject at hand - the Wikileaks leaks, top secret US documents which have been made public by some fruit cake named Julian Assange.

First of all, it's no surprise that this guy is from Australia, since that's where most of the world's criminals come from. He's probably a descendant of one of the country's first criminals to have been sent there by the British. Just look at this guy, could he look any weirder? No one looking that weird could be up to any amount of good, and such is the case with Julian (isn't that a girl's name?). Somehow, this guy got a hold of my country's secret documents and is spreading them all over the internet like some kind of internet wild fire. I mean, who does that? This guy needs to be hunted down and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the international laws and codes. Luckily, his website has already been taken down in America by whoever runs the internet here, I think it's Comcast.

I was talking about all this stuff with my wife's sister's husband and we were really nailing this guy with some of our commentary. And I'm sitting here explaining all of this stuff to my wife and I say, "that's who this guy is". And, of course, she just looks up from her iPhone and is like, "Huh? I wasn't listening." So I go through the whole explanation again, telling her about all the crap this terrorist is starting between countries and she's sitting there listening to all of this and taking it all in and I think I'm getting through to her and when I finish she looks over at her sister and says, "Did you hear James Franco is hosting the Oscars?"

ARGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Nice, babe. Way to care about your country!